During the sophomore and junior years of high school we start to dig deep into what kind of collegiate experience our students are hoping for. A big school with tons of school spirit? A small school where everyone knows their name? Close to home? Far from home? Big city? Small town? Semesters or quarters? Live on campus? Live off campus? Big classes in an auditorium? Small classes with lots of peer interaction? Close to the mountains and snow? Close to the beach and the surf? And the list goes on and on…
When students describe to us their ideal college experience we start to focus their attention on one campus over another and plan to set up tours and campus visits here rather than there. But our efforts are really only as good as the information that the student gives us to work with. If they don’t feel that they can answer the questions honestly about what kind of life they want to live those four years, families may spend a lot of time and money chasing an opportunity that ends up being a less than ideal fit for the student.
We all know a handful of college students who decided to change schools after their first year or two in college. In most instances, the first school choice was just not the right fit for them in the first place. Did they feel that they should list a university because a family member went there? Did they worry that their parents would miss them too much if they chose a school outside of California? Did they feel pressure to choose a school based only on price? Did they want a small town experience but feel burdened to pick a big campus with an equally big brand name? Did they feel guilty passing up a chance to attend a prestigious school because people sacrificed a lot to give them this opportunity?
College is going to be a solo experience for our teens one day not too far in the future. No one will be attending class, standing in the cafeteria line, walking the campus, or navigating the social scene with them each and every day. If you want your teens to ultimately be happy and productive college students, there are five words you should consider telling them when you have the college campus talk – honesty is the best policy.
When your family starts researching schools and visiting campuses together, encourage students to look beyond the name. Look through the glossy brochures together but remind them that pictures are only a small representation of what the day-to-day campus life is all about. Tell them that it is okay to look beyond the beauty of the campus and the shiny classrooms. Ask them if they can see themselves there for four years? As you walk through a giant crowd of college students to get from one building to the next on a campus tour tell your teen to imagine themselves as a freshman moving along with the masses. Are they excited by all the people and the pace of the campus or do they feel completely out of their element?
After a campus visit is over ask your future college-bound student to list 10 things they loved about the campus and 10 things they hated. Encourage them to be specific and honest in their assessment so they can begin to see common areas that appeal to them over and over again over time. Let your teen know that just because you love the school because it offers this or that, it is okay if they don’t love it for those exact same reasons. After a few more campus tours, they may start to see that some of the things that they hated on the first campus visit start to look pretty good and vice versa. Let them know it is okay to change their mind and move items from the hate column to the like column or the opposite and, when it is feasible, consider taking a second visit to a school to allow them to confirm their new insights about the campus.
If your high school students feel like they can talk openly and honestly about what they really want right from the start, they are more likely to be happy with the final list of schools they apply to. They are going to be excited when they see every acceptance announcement roll in their senior year. Whether they end up attending a school where they live at home or one where they live on or near their college campus, knowing that the final choice they made on college commitment day will allow them to be a happy and productive college student who wants to be there should make us all very proud.
